Tuesday, January 17, 2012

On January and more than you ever wanted to know about what goes on inside my head

WARNING: this post is about to get a little crazy and a lot long.  read on if you dare.  move on when you bore.

The holidays around here were quite a blur.  I don't think I took more than a dozen photos.  I will post those later but seriously, we were so busy it just flew by!  

We made gingerbread houses, baked at my mom's, did a service scavenger hunt, a white elephant party, bowling, Rhett's birthday, family dinners where we each took turns cooking.  But the most important event was sneaking the Madsens back into the country to surprise my parents! We had planned a full week's worth of activities but no one really had their heart in any of it until the Madsens arrived on Christmas Adam (donned, "Christmas Madsen," this year). Honestly, it really wasn't Christmas until they arrived.   

I video'd my dad's reaction because my sister-in-law had her video on my mom. But if you can tell, my mom is crying.  And my dad has no words.  Both of these reactions are totally out of character for them.  My mom never cries, and my dad is NEVER short on words. 

Thoughts on January: I love the idea of a new start!!  Who doesn't love a clean slate?  When i was in college i loved the first week of school.  It was a Fresh START...the new syllabus with all the outlines of projects and the possibility of perfect scores on tests.  (what a nerd.)  i also loved a new notebook, calendar, and pens to keep track of all my soon-to-be accomplishments.  it was exciting!  but of course, life gets going, the semester moves forward and although you are learning, you never quite make the perfect A on every assignment or test (at least I didn't) and it is...deflating.  

My life no longer includes a syllabus and shiny new pens every semester.  However, January and September both offer new starts for me...in my mind.  I want to be and do all those things in my mental syllabus.  The closets to organize, the recipes to perfect, the weight to lose, the house to keep tidy, wardrobe to overhaul, the blog to keep up, the new hobby to nurture, the vacations to...well, vacation, the photos to take and the memories to keep.  And all the while, nurturing, loving, teaching, and enjoying the children.  It's a lot to do!  So much to do that I can never get it all done!  And even though there is no professor handing my "term paper" back with a red C+ on it, I still feel as though I'm not quite measuring up.  Ugh.

This is why I haven't been blogging.  It's just the one on the list that I had to let go for a while to decide where I wanted to be in my life.  I still don't know.  But I do know that I am going to blog more.  Last September I decided that my camera and I needed a little break from each other.  I felt too much pressure to try and capture the moments...so much so that I felt like I was really just missing all of it.  Being behind the camera sometimes feels like you aren't IN the fun.  I'm trying to learn a little balance with this.  So the blog may be less photos and more talk.  I hate my "voice" but well, it may be all I have on here at times.  

When January 1st came, I thought, okay, it's my new start.  I can start blogging today!  And I can begin all those projects that I never finished last year...what were those projects anyway?  And then the month started to move along.  And all of a sudden I realize, it's more than half over and I'm still sitting at the same spot I was 3 months ago!  I think I just got a B- on my first exam!  

Here I am, with my B- staring me in the face and feeling like it's time to raise my grade!  I'm going to get organized with my life.  Do I need a planner?  A gagillion sticky notes on my monitor?  A journal where I write down all of my dreams and plans?  I don't know.  I only know it's time to do something!!  If you are still reading, and you have an idea will you please email me???   I don't care if we don't know each other IRL, I need help here people!!  

All my life I played sports or worked out or both...so since having the two boys at such a close proximity, I haven't had the time to work out and it is definitely something that I have greatly missed in my life!!  A month ago, my sister Marion joined a bootcamp gym at BeFit Tacoma and asked me join with her because she wanted moral support.  I wanted to join but I wasn't sure how to fit it into my schedule.  I sort of thought I would go for a month and make it work and then be in great shape and be able to quit and just go back to running.  Seriously, the thought of that makes me laugh!  My body composition is in such bad shape that I need more like a YEAR before I will feel confident in exercising on my own!  It feels so good to finally get exercise back into my life!  My body is thanking me.  Actually my muscles are sore all the time but I know this is good.  The trainers are awesome! I couldn't recommend it highly enough!!  I can honestly say that this class, the trainers, the other people who go there, have changed my life.  I have more energy and happiness in my life and all I have to do is sacrifice 3-4 hours a week.  Totally worth it. 

And now I will leave you with a photo of my boy this morning watching the snow fall.  

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